jesstasy18247

i don't know where to begin

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Verlassen by jesstasy18247, literature

Literature

Verlassen

Aber Deutschland ist weit entfernt, sagst du. Du sprichst über die Entfernung, über die Kosten der Telefonanrufen und Flugkarten. Und ich?, fragst du. Ach, du, meine Liebe. Du weißt nicht über die andere, Grammatik und Redefluss, meine Manien. Du kannst nicht verstehen, du und deine Wissenschaft. Du kannst nicht der Nervenkitzel der Wörter wissen. Du studierst Apotheke, während ich diese Sprache genau studiere. Du denkst, dass ich wähle, aber meine Gefühle sind ein und dieselbe. Ich muss da fahren, weil ich bin in Liebe. TRANSLATION: But Germany is far away, you say. You tell me about th

Spitting Image by jesstasy18247, literature

Literature

Spitting Image

One time I found a picture of my mom, eighteen, reclining in the passenger seat of some pimped-out seventies’ car in a green-and-white striped halter dress. Legs crossed, she is something gorgeous, long hair swept up into a bun and smiling at the camera, my smile, the shape of my mouth, my teeth. And she’s skinny, too, skinnier than I’ve ever seen her, though that’s not true, because I’ve seen others, her holding me as a baby and she’s skinny then, too, but I don’t remember that slender frame, those gentle curves. And I kept finding more, more proof that my mother was a teenager once,

Plan B by jesstasy18247, literature

Literature

Plan B

The nurse eyes me as I approach, another irresponsible kid. She heads for the storage room, invites me to sit. The leather seat cushion whooshes upon contact, a stern whisper. The lights are too bright, but I wait. A vacuum cleaner groans down the hall. She returns with a Dixie cup and two white pills, each tinier than a pearl, nearly invisible in her palm. I take them from her, swallow them whole. Like my mother, she attempts small talk, but I have nothing more to say on this Saturday afternoon. She drones on about the weather while I contemplate going to church tomorrow morning.

Passing Judgment by jesstasy18247, literature

Literature

Passing Judgment

I saw a girl-fight, once. My friends and I were at a party when two blonde bitches broke loose, too drunk to even feel those manicured nails pierce through skin, or their hair, bleached and sprayed to perfection, tugged on in clenched fists. It might have been over some guy, some slurred insult. We left before the cops arrived anyway. Doesn’t matter. The other night, flipping through channels I caught women’s wrestling on WWE – girls with model bodies but packed with muscle, arms bulging like the pants of every drunken man in the crowd. The white-haired announcers chuckle, give professional-sounding names to wh

Mothering by jesstasy18247, literature

Literature

Mothering

You noticed the scissors were missing from the half-open drawer, little purple ones with chunky, gummy handles from sticky fingers, mine. You saw that I was gone, had left my finger-painting project to explore other endeavors. Somewhere your color-covered child was running loose with scissors, probably the sitting room, brand-new furniture with pink handprints and gashes. You called throughout the house, where are you?, shouting my name, where did you go?, your eyes like a deer’s, bright-wide and terrified. You opened cupboards only to slam them shut again, checked the washer and dryer, looked under my bed. You finally caught me, crou

Eight States Away by jesstasy18247, literature

Metamorph by jesstasy18247, literature

Literature

Metamorph

The man with fused fingers, hands claws with no knuckles, no dirty nails, just skin, two fleshy stubs that terrify me, the cashier, the girl behind the counter who’d heard stories of these hands before, who’d only wanted a simple summer job at the hardware store – this man wants to pay for these nails, this dog leash. He reaches into his back pocket, hands me two fives with his two chubby fingers, smiles at me, leaves the store, forgets his change.

Conversing With A Cat by jesstasy18247, literature

Literature

Conversing With A Cat

Russchen, Russchen, today’s lesson will be gravity. When you leap up on my desk and the lamp hits the floor, that’s gravity. It’s a law, you know. Now you’ve made a mess that I have to sweep up because felines didn’t evolve opposable thumbs. Yes, evolution, intelligent design, yesterday’s lecture. I’m certainly glad that, though you’re the domesticated kind, you kept the instinct to hunt, catching rats in the dark basement, pouncing as they crawl. You live with me, protect our home, and that’s loyalty: through it all, you come when I call.

Second Best by jesstasy18247, literature

Literature

Second Best

My first kiss was with a fat kid I liked in the school cafeteria, arms pinned to our sides, awkward and forgettable. I was the first of my friends, who all said I was lucky. Luck had nothing to do with it. When it was over I started fresh, disowned that boring kiss, decided that the next would be my first. But the next came so much later – you holding my hand by the fountain, pennies tossed for a wish. Your fingers on my neck, you leaned in close, accidentally crushed my nose with yours. “I’m sorry,” you said. We just laughed it off awkwardly and gave it another try.

Decoding by jesstasy18247, literature

Literature

Decoding

Secrets were our lives, crushes and cruelties scribbled in notes passed back and forth in class, not in English but a code we came up with ourselves and committed to memory. Everything was fair game even if the teacher caught us; no one would recognize a word or name in the numbers and letters we’d assigned. Going through my closet I found all those notes stashed in a shoebox last night, ink bleeding nonsense-hieroglyphics through the paper. I knew some were about a boy we both liked, but the code had slipped my mind, years and forgetfulness standing between now and when you’d moved away. I’d stood on my po

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love by jesstasy18247, literature

Literature

love

jesstasy18247: there are many ways to classify a relationship (and i'm using that term very loosely, as in any interaction with another person) jesstasy18247: but i dont know which one to put ours in jesstasy18247: it goes in like all of them jesstasy18247: or none of them jesstasy18247: it's a friendship, but then it's not jesstasy18247: it's not family, but somehow, it feels like it is jesstasy18247: it's not an attraction, but sometimes it is jesstasy18247: it's not an accquaintance at all jesstasy18247: it fits in all or none jesstasy18247: i cant put a name on what we have jesstasy18247: and thats when you can tell that it's so

valentine's day by jesstasy18247, literature

Literature

valentine's day

third-grade sentiments sealed with sparkly red heart stickers that shine in the light, reflecting our smiles and wishful thinking… loneliness was never an issue. crowded in an empty room, i can see how time flies and emotions fade away. there's the spot where we waited for the stars. you probably don't remember. i'm taking the sweetness with the hollow casualties and seeing things a little more clearly today. there's the place where we kissed in the rain. you probably made yourself forget. simplicity dares me to understand but no one cares. i'll just sit here and watch the world go by. there's the ticket stub from the movie we d

opposite day by jesstasy18247, literature

Literature

opposite day

your words are like ice. slippery and cold. you breathe on me and it's like i'm leaving the warmth of my house for the chilling emptiness on the streets. you sip your coffee and pay no attention to me. i mutter "good morning," and quickly take shelter in your eyes when you look up at me. eye contact always means something. please don't look away, i think, and you do the exact opposite; you stare at your feet. i always knew they were more interesting than me anyway. i love the rain. i love it when it rains so hard that you can't see through it. i love lightening and the deep echo it creates. i love damaging downpours and winds that

always about you by jesstasy18247, literature

Literature

always about you

i can't feel you now. my energy is slipping down the metal slide into the pile of aches and pains. my eyelids are heavy with tiredness and guilt. the anxiety in my ears is overwhelming. why can't you let me go? delirium in my mind, thoughts swirling, about to pop right out my ears. can't see straight. "mommy, will you read me a story?" "not right now, sweetheart. i'm busy cooking dinner." i wish someone would just stop being busy. can't they see i need someone to take care of me? i'm dying right now but you're still caught up in your own messy life. i can feel the dehydration in my hands. their dryness touches the wooden boards a

blind to by jesstasy18247, literature

Literature

blind to

sum 41, my mother's flank steak. a cheap ring once silvery, now rusted over. the random affectionate couple in the corner. adidas moves cologne. certain jokes. a few of my favorite movies, the occasional love song on the radio. the word "platinum." the tree in my backyard, the school elevator. i avert my eyes. get used to living without these things, i tell myself. the couch in my history classroom. blue and black mechanical pencils. "konstantine." chocolate chip cookie dough flurries, homemade nachos. skateboarding video games, midtown madness. my favorite blue dress. pictures from my birthday party last year. motorola t270 cell phon

instinctual by jesstasy18247, literature

Literature

instinctual

off to new things. hatched and vulnerable, you crawl out of the sand. there is no one there to help you. all you know is that you must reach the water. no questions. tiny step. tiny step. the pressure of how unsafe you are causes you to stumble. but you don't have time to slow down. you want to be one of the ones who make it. because you know that not everyone will. you're so close. you're so small. even with your protective shell that hides your soft skin you can still get hurt, you can still get knocked off track. birds scream above you and children scream from further down the beach and you can't help but notice how long this

spinning by jesstasy18247, literature

Literature

spinning

i want to trace the arch of his eyebrows with the pads of my fingertips. i want him to smile up at me and ask me what i want him to say to me. i find myself grabbing the hairs on the back of his neck in my mind and as i pull his cereal bowl out of the refrigerator in the morning i feel his fingernails digging into my shoulder. if there was any color that i saw when he touched me, it was silver. metallic fringes of a dream from last night, a dream that left me shuddering as i struggled to awaken. he pinched my cheeks. "you silly thing," he whispered in his deep, malicious voice, and i found myself pushing him into the wall, reaching fo

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ethereal by jesstasy18247, visual art

ethereal

jesstasy18247

About jesstasy18247

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Artist

United States
Deviant for 20 years
She / Her

Badges

My Bio

Current Residence: here!
Favourite cartoon character: sonic the hedgehog.
Personal Quote: "love does find a way."

Favourite Visual Artist

michelangelo.

Favourite Movies

as of right now, it's the prestige.

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

right now it's belle and sebastian. tomorrow, who knows?

Favourite Writers

diane ackerman, e.e. cummings.

Tools of the Trade

i am amazingly and creatively versatile.

Other Interests

piano, writing.

Posts

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jesstasy18247

May 2, 2008

MADNESS

0 min read

What is this madness?! Jess has uploaded like a million new poems! Yeah, well. Here's the story. So I'm taking this poetry workshop this semester, and we had to create a final portfolio for it, right? So we wrote 13 poems for the class itself, but the professor didn't tell us that he wanted the final portfolio to have 20-25 poems in it until a week before it was due. Soooo I've been pulling poems out of my ass for the past few days. 6 in 48 hours is a little much, but I think I did an at least decent job. So, point is, I thought I'd share. Oh, and I MAJORLY edited some previous works, too, so I thought I'd share those edits as well. I'm jus

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jesstasy18247

Dec 16, 2007

ugh.

0 min read

just went through a bunch of my old poems and deleted quite a few of them -- i'd say a few pages worth -- because they were just embarrassing. like, i read them, and i was literally cringing, not only because they're emo as hell,, and not only because they're not even good, but also because they're about this boy that is no longer a part of my life and why should it matter anymore? anyway, feeling a lot better about that now. ugh. sometimes words aren't enough and i hate that. he comes home in six days.

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jesstasy18247

Oct 30, 2007

another update.

0 min read

hey foo's. so, here's what's up with me lately. i've started writing for my college's weekly newspaper, and i'm applying for a semester abroad in germany next year, and i'm applying for various internships this summer. and and and. so so so busy. matt and i are still going strong, though he's in arizona. in august he and i roadtripped out there to get him moved in, and it was so much fun. we had a blast just driving around and seeing the country together. it was hard coming back to ohio and doing the whole college thing without him, but we're getting used to it. he comes home in a week and a half or so for his thanksgiving break, and i'm so

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Profile Comments 179

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b1gfan

Aug 21, 2009

Jesstasy indeed

Every word is just that.

LisztTPI

Aug 9, 2007

Hey, I was looking through profiles for people interested in Piano and came across your profile. I've just opened a phpBB forum for pianists/piano enthusiasts/classical music fans to discuss music (and just about anything). The forum is complete with various features. As we're just starting out, some new members would be great. I'm also looking for sensible users as global moderators / moderators. If you fancy checking us out, visit [link] and register.

Take care

imperfect

Jan 13, 2007

Hey lovely girl,

I take it from activity that life is going well for you. I wanted to stop by and wish you and your lovely man a happy new year and let you know i still think about you guys from time to time.

-- Toni