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real by ~jesstasy18247:iconjesstasy18247:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Romantic > Other Romance > Spoken Word


i swear to God
that i love mine as much as
you love yours and that
if i could find the words to say it,
i would. if i could
find the perfect words, if i could just
close my eyes and instead of thinking
         i love him i love him i love him
think of something poetic and real and un-cliché,
just for a second,
i would.               but
i am-he is-we are poetic,
                                        real,
                                                 un-cliché
and i know it with all of me and i know he knows it
too and i know that i don't need to
write poems about him because he already knows,
         he already knows
         (because he loves me too)
but even so
         i wish i wish i wish i could
come up with the words that make
me-him-us sound-look-feel justifiable,
right (oh-so-right),
and/or as incredible as this really is.
i am-he is-we are a phenomenon, i swear it,
and i know damn well that i don't need to say anything
         but damn it, i want him to know!

and when i read him my poems
i can hear him smiling, because
you see, those words?
those vowels, those consonants, are
me
      him
              us.
©2005-2009 ~jesstasy18247
:iconjesstasy18247:

Author's Comments

this was one of my journal entries a while back.
i gave it line breaks, added an ending,
and voila!

poetry.

Daily Deviation

Given 2005-10-04

It's so hard to write about love; everything has been said before, and everyone has said it with more flair and originality than I ever could. In the wonderfully quirky poem real, ~jesstasy18247 captures the frustration a poet feels when trying to describe this cliche emotion. It's rare to find a typographical poem that works so well, but by employing these devices the poet directs the reader perfectly through a tumult of love. (Featured by `imperfect)

Comments


love 1 1 joy 2 2 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconqueenhrosie:
`queenhrosie Sep 23, 2005, 8:34:09 AM
Sweet. I find myself at a standstill with poetry about Sean lately, mostly for the "this isn't good enough" feel of it. The whole "aw man, there I am being cliche again" feel of it.

Anyway, I totally get it.

*thumbs up*

--
I hear
your voice
down the hall, through the window, above
all those trees, a light
it seems
& you are singing. What song
is that The words
are beautiful.

-LeRoi Jones
:iconjesstasy18247:
~jesstasy18247 Sep 23, 2005, 3:10:39 PM
:heart: thankee, ladee.

--
love does find a way.
:iconimperfect:
`imperfect Sep 28, 2005, 8:45:55 AM
perfect! it's wonderful, it really is. I'm glad you did this :)

--
are you stalking me?
:iconfraterm:
*fraterm Sep 28, 2005, 9:52:42 AM
This is a very beautiful poem...

I initially got annoyed at the "i am-he is-we are poetic," but luckily I realized I was being a nitwit and pressed on.

Phew.

--
Guph, go feed the lizard.
-----------------------------------------
state-of-the-art bionic-cyberechidna

The Tao is like a glob pattern:
used but never used up.
It is like the extern void:
filled with infinite possibilities.
:iconjesstasy18247:
~jesstasy18247 Sep 28, 2005, 10:09:58 AM
:) thank you so much.

--
love does find a way.
:iconjesstasy18247:
~jesstasy18247 Sep 28, 2005, 10:10:45 AM
:hug: thank you so much! you even +fav'd it! i'm all blushy. :heart:

--
love does find a way.
:iconpinkymccoversong:
`PinkyMcCoversong Sep 28, 2005, 10:38:53 AM
i think that this is one of few typographical poems where the typographical aspects actually benefit the work. nice job.

i also think that this poem is crying out for imagery, as it has none other than what we see in the typographical stuff. take that away, and what does the piece stand on? imagery could really take this poem to another level, in my opinion.

--
< GunShyMartyr > PinkyMcCoversong: o hi asl plz
< PinkyMcCoversong > GunShyMartyr: ask again in a cockney accent
< GunShyMartyr > ELLO daaaahling, what's yah name then. giveus a kiss would ya love? yer eighteen roite?
:iconjesstasy18247:
~jesstasy18247 Sep 28, 2005, 4:53:19 PM
wow. omg, i secretly have always wanted you to record one of my poems. i love the way you read poetry; i think it sounds so real when you read the words.
please do! i would be honored.

--
love does find a way.
:iconimperfect:
`imperfect Sep 28, 2005, 5:35:13 PM
ok sweetie here's the reading : [link] :

I did find a few issues when reading it, which you'll pick up on too if you along while you listen. For example:

and i know it with all of me and i know he knows it
too

It really doesn't work with a pause after "it", it needs the "too" on that line.

you see, those words?

The comma doesn't work here so well.

It's a real treat to read this aloud and i have to tell you, when i scanned and saw the bold i thought "ugh" but it works so well :)

--
are you stalking me?
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September 23, 2005
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